14 February 2012

BAD-MAN (Batman Parody Graphic Novel)

You might think that an artist who doesn't "have visual access right now" might wait until he had visual access to make the promotional video for his Kickstarter project, what with the "visual" being so important to video as a medium. You might also think that if an artist lacked visual access, he might err on the side of making his promotional video no longer than absolutely necessary.

Not Christopher X. Brodeur. His spoken-word video devotes 12 minutes and 16 seconds to promoting his Batman parody. In the opening minute, Brodeur describes the video itself as both "shitty" (true) and "quick" (untrue). This video-sans-motion runs four times as long as most Kickstarter videos, and over six times as long as most good Kickstarter videos.

Artists promoting their work often note their influences. This is one of the few points on which Brodeur is mercifully brief, for he admits, "I don't really follow graphic novels or comics."

A further difference between BAD-MAN and its peers: most Kickstarter projects do not appear to be the product of untreated mental illness.

"I'm Christopher X. Brodeur's beard, and I approve of this message."

Even my fascination with misguided self-promotion has limits, and this "video" lies beyond them. My resolve fails. It's not "so-self-important-it's-good," or "so-inept-it's-good." It just hurts.

Sample the video at your leisure. For now, I will present an example of Brodeur's prose. His description of the project is a single, monolithic paragraph of the kind written by people who should be taking heavy psychiatric drugs, but aren't. Step into its flow anywhere:

... There were some scenes I wrote that chilled me to the bone and others that brought me to tears, and they will you too. MY Bad-Man is merciless and even blinds and burns off the genitals of criminals (and especially billionaire mayors!) using acid! YIKES! I'm infamous for my gallows humor and having the darkest sense of wit ever, and that shows up thruout this brutal book. (I'm arguably the most controversial artist of all time, despite having won shitloads of awards and acclaim -- and even my enemies call me a "genius" which I guess is flattering. And the fact that I've won so many "Best EVER" awards in the Capital of the World [NYC], suggests that it's not my ego talking. I'm also banned from most periodicals in NYC and dozens of performing spaces in NYC, which should tell you how bold my words are! ...

Brodeur the artist shares ground with Frank Miller circa 1986, in that he sees New York as corrupt, he sees previous versions of Batman as inadequately violent, and he sees everybody except the hero as weak, stupid, or venal (or all three). I never thought I'd say it, but I've finally found a comic-book writer that I dislike more than I dislike Miller. I imagine that regardless of my differences with Miller--on politics, gender, justice, history--if we met in person, the two of us could still at least have conversation, taking turns.

Brodeur, however, talks and writes as if no worthy interlocutors exist. His audience consists of persecutors, dupes, and Christopher X. Brodeur.

9 comments:

  1. CXB here...

    Hm.

    I must say I love being criticized (because having everyone praise you is BO-ring), but the cliche is that Humans Always Get It Wrong.

    (EX: the many kids in school who said I made up my middle initial, b/c they were provincial twats who didn't know "xavier" was actually popular around the world, just not Shitfuck, USA.)

    (EX: the many people who call me a "playboy" or "womanizer" even when I'm sworn to celibacy for a decade!)

    Sadly, you fell into the exact same cliche as everyone else, and like most of my critics, there is a profound... um, "scent" [I'm being polite!] in your writing that you have some ULTERIOR motive as most of my critics do.

    (NOTE that 90% of my critics --- at a later date --- admitted they were full of shit and attacking me b/c I said something that offended their uptight sensibilities or I criticized their favorite musical act or such.)

    AT FIRST, I was excited that you were going to criticize me, but as I read, it was clear you were grasping at straws.

    FACT:
    there are WORD-COUNT LIMITS (which only smart people would realize before jumping to dumb conclusions) on KICKSTARTER... which LOGICALLY (had you given ANY thought to your own kneejerking!) MEANS I WOULD BE UNABLE TO PUT IN MY NORMAL PARAGRAPH BREAKS.

    True or false?

    Game over.

    It took me ONE sentence to prove you criticized me FALSELY... and prove that you are lazy in the brain.

    Shall I go on, and disprove your thinking some more?

    LETS!

    Well, just the fact that you use the MOST UNORIGINAL AD HOMINEM ATTACKS ON EARTH (you only forgot "tinfoil hat" in your con-servative lexicon!) PROVES you are either very very dishonest, or very very UNCREATIVE.

    (Whose your ghost-writer? Lenny Kravitz?)

    You don't really bolster your immature claims that I show any signs of mental illness, and the FACT that you included a photo of me UNRELATED to the BAD-MAN profile I posted, PROVES you have some larger agenda... as you WENT TO THE TROUBLE TO LOOK ME UP.

    See how accurate I am?

    I'm the most UN-mentally ill person on this planet, dummy!

    FOR INSTANCE... you write about MY BAD-MAN PARODY... and LOGICALLY you'd include one of my ILLUSTRATIONS to show how mentally ill I am.

    YOU DECLINED TO.

    That ALONE suggests ulterior motives, because YOU thought, had you included the panel tests, which show that I have a LOT of skill, your entire smear would've been BUSTED RIGHT THERE.

    NEXT, when I read your excerpt of my "monolithic paragraph", there is NOTHING in there that supports what you claim. The sentences are crisp and logical as well.

    THE ONLY truthful criticism you offer is that the video is too long.

    [END OF PART ONE... as this blog won't allow my rebuttal in ONE piece due to fuckinggoddamn word-limits that it does NOT show you!!]

    ReplyDelete
  2. [part two of two...]

    Of course, had you been INTELLIGENT, you would've noted that my claiming it would be "quick" came at the BEGINNING of the improvised video... which would tell ANYONE with half a brain that I didn't call it quick at the END of the too-long video!

    See how logic works?

    Now take off your tinfoil hat and take your meds like a good patient!

    (See how EASY it is to do this? I hope you're not over 6 years old!)

    AS FOR YOUR ATTACKS ON FRANK MILLER, I cannot give any insight, as I don't know his work. I took a quick look at his famous Batman book but it didn't look that interesting to me.

    (Once he's jailed 38 times for speech, then perhaps he'll grab my interest!)

    ANOTHER CLICHE that you clearly seem to obey is that you show your RESENTMENT towards me praising myself.

    You ARE aware how trite and lazy your thinking is, right?

    It's called "false modesty".

    "Modesty is the lOWEST form of arrogance" someone once said, NAILING it.

    Many small people resent that I claim to be so awesome. Smart people do NOT resent it. They admire it. Smart people APPRECIATE whenever anyone deviates from the Conservative Robots who rule every inch of this sorry planet.

    SMALL people believe that, when in Rome or Nazi Germany, you Do As Romans / Nazis do.

    SMART people think that's the greatest sin.

    Shall I go on, or have I emasculated you and absolutely destroyed your lazy SMEARS enough?

    I dare you to rebut each of my points herein.

    You cannot, so now's your chance to prove me wrong!

    ALSO NOTE:
    I could've funded the BAD-MAN project without Kickstarter, but I wanted to test the website out.

    I don't think Kickstarter uses any traffic system (as a YouTube does so well), so I'd be shocked if I get fully funded!

    I'm not one of those artists whose family and friends support me.

    I'm one of those artists who is attacked and beaten during his lifetime, only to be hailed as a genius after my death. (Oops: i've been called a genius by over 10,000 people in my life so far!)

    It's just another cliche of the moronic human race!

    Good luck proving me wrong!

    hugs and kisses,
    C to the X to the B

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah, but have any of those 10,000 people called you a genius _lately_?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup.

      I asked your mom moments ago!

      (At first I struggled to hear what she was articulating --- what, with my sturdy "member" taking up her entire mouth --- but once I was done soiling her, she said several more times that I was a "genius". She also said you were a mistake.)

      (NOTE: not that you were an unplanned pregnancy, mind you. She said they felt sorry for you when they saw an ad about adopting retarded children. She's regretted it every day of her life.)

      the ghost of Touching You, aka CxB

      Delete
  4. Mr. Brodeur,

    I apologize for the content of the Shitstarter review of "BAD-MAN (Batman Parody Graphic Novel)." Sometimes Lenny has the time to ghost-write for me a thoughtful analysis, and sometimes he doesn't (you know musicians). Either way, I have deadlines to meet; sometimes, the quality of this blog suffers as a result.

    I wish you success in your self-publishing endeavors.

    --K. K. Rotwang
    Senior Editor
    Shitstarter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sounds like you were ALSO a retarded baby adopted:

      I don't do "self-publishing", (retard).

      My FIRST book was put out by a Google millionaire, on his "ExtremeNY" imprint. I've made quite a profit on it, despite the headaches of working with him, b/c you don't get rich by being smart. You get rich by either luck or by being deceitful. (He got lucky.)

      HE HAS WANTED TO PUBLISH MORE OF MY STUFF but I've declined.

      I also got a $4000 advance on a GIULIANI book in 2008, from VOXPOP, which was run by Sander Hicks who used to run SOFTSKULL, but Rudy's campaign collapsed (as I predicted) a few DAYS before I was to get the check! (FUCK!)

      ALL I got was a $400 "kill fee".

      NOW, I have another millionaire who wants to fund my stuff, and he's at least more intelligent... if a bit, um, alcoholic!

      GOOD NEWS FOR YOU:

      I DO believe there are some ONLINE COLLEGES that could teach you how to throw insults without making yourself look like an imbecile!

      GOOD LUCK, sir!

      christopher xanadu brodar

      Delete
  5. Myth confirmed.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pd-MpXCMcIs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What "MYTH" was confirmed?

      That I could blow you simpering clods to bits with little effort?

      That was OBVIOUS, ya chimp.

      better luck next time,
      cxb

      Delete
  6. Mr. Brodeur,

    There is no need to bring anyone's mother or congenital disabilities into this. Please keep your comments civil, and refrain from ad hominem attacks.

    --K. K. Rotwang
    Senior Editor
    Shitstarter

    ReplyDelete